{[Perfect Escapade =-.]}

Sometimes i wonder, what do people take me as? A true friend or someone they turn to for chats only when they are bored? Or even someone they just need help from? If the latter is true, i guess i'm a failure at being a friend yet at the same time, at least i could do my part in giving them some assistance. The optimist battling with the pessimist.

We call everyone we know a friend. But what's the exact definition of a friend? In the simplest term, it means a "person you know well and regard with affection and trust". [definition taken from www.dictionary.com] It's always easy to differentiate who's your acquaintances but never easy to distinguish who's your crony. You may treat that person as your bosom buddy but is it mutual? All could just be a one-sided affair.

Knowing the person well and having affection for that person requires time to develop. But the key here is trust. Then again, what's trust? "Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence." [definition taken from www.dictionary.com]. To build up the confidence in confiding all difficulties, thoughts, happy moments, etc to someone you call a friend. Is that what trust is all about? For me, if i ever confess a sin [that is if i have sinned big time lol], i guess i have regarded you as my bosom friend? Trust, though a simple word used in everyday life, still makes everyone keep a distance from one another - a boundary that one cannot step over.

Up till now, i have so many friends and acquaintances but who's the one i call a true friend? *ponders*

Come to think of it, i may be thinking too much. This entry is in no reference to anyone in particular. Just a thought which sprang up from god knows where.

Sick and tired of my old blogskin? Some are complaining they are. Sooooo, i've changed it. Hope the fresh layout is soothing to the eyes. Any suggestions for improvements, pls feel free to drop me a message in my taggie. thanks and take care!

3 days into chicky destruction and i all felt were itches and fatigue. The spots had stopped spreading and i'm so thankful it's a mild outbreak compared to many others. Otherwise, i think i'm gonna suffer hell. Luckily for the jab i took when i was 11. It helped a great deal although it failed to immune me from chicky.

The spots look like huge pimples, urging me to squeeze them. But to keep my face away from scars, i gotta resist the urge to burst them all. *heaving small puffs of air*

At times, this thought swims in my head. "I got chicky because god wants me to rest well. To make up for the lost amount of time which i should have spent sleeping." Every 2 hours or so, i would feel my head getting groggy and i'm once again lethargic. I tried multiple attempts to stay awake for at least 6 hours but it seemed like i can't do so. Everyday now, i take 2 naps and yet i still feel tired. I guess i sleep 12 hours a day now? Sleeping beauty in the making.

Having got chicky, i can feel the love from daddy and mummy. The concern, the care... i feel as if time had turned back to 18 years ago when i was a baby. How i missed those times when i was being pampered. Now, i am receiving the same treatment. heh heh.

Daddy and mummy checked on me every few hours. Mummy prepares my medicated bath everyday and feeds me non-stop to ensure i do not get hungry. Amazingly i still lost weight. whahaha. Bro calls up from tekong everyday to check on my condition. Babe, as usual, with her big mouth kept asking if it itches. Felt like knocking her head. lol

Friends, of coz, were showering me with their concern as well. I'm touched. Thanks gals, thanks chris papa, brother dave, kai didi, jeremy, and many other frenz.

I can't wait to go back to school next week. Shrieksssssss! =)

My worst fears had come true. I am down with chicken pox!!! lol.. The red spots started invading my body since late Friday nite. Started off with 1 blister lookalike pimple which i happily burst and now i regretted it. LOL.
Having a continuous outbreak of itchy red spots is putting my patience on itchness to the test. Afraid to leave scars all over my body, especially the face, i had to refrain from scratching them. Now, my body feels like an itching empire as if there were lots of mosquito bites but my hands are "tied up", unable to relieve me of the itches. ARGH

But at least there is a consolation. Being out of school for a week only instead of the usual two. This means that i still have one final week to catch up on the lost amount of work which i had reluctantly absent myself from right before my common tests. What i worry most are my projects. My event tomorrow... my presentation on wednesday... what am i to do about them? I'm so afraid that i have to retake my IS module since a large portion of it relies on this particular event [which was what the module is about].

Haiz... back on 4 Dec. =(

+ my apologies to all group mates. =x

Down with a fever of all times. Common test is a mere 2 weeks away. Grogginess has robbed me of my concentration today. 1 hour had passed but nothing went into my head. All's a blank. Eventually, i gave up trying to study and napped.

Up till now, i had not even revised 1 set of lecture notes. Fatigue overcame me time and again. There are so many possible reasons in developing a fever. Mon's tennis in a drizzle... endless late night sleeps... I can't even recall the last time i slept before 11pm. And worst of all, i may have come down with chicken pox.

Definitely not at this time. If so, i would have to be isolated for 2 weeks which means i will only be back in school on the first day of common test. What about my projects? My presentations? My revision lectures? Oh man... what ill luck.

I seriously hope not. Hopefully no more outspreads of red spots by tomorrow and that would eliminate the possibility of me having chicken pox. *prays hard* =(

Weeks and months passed by. We seldom or rather, never once chatted over msn. Recently, we chatted online almost every night. What had caused this abrupt change? I too, wondered about it.

Currently studying in the polytechnic nearest to my school, he is a first year student in the school of sciences, if i didn't remember wrongly. He is none other than my maple didi - Jun Kai aka lion king.

Claiming that luck had always been a major help in his life, i had always felt that his intelligence was a god's gift to him. Nevertheless, he strives hard to achieve good grades. And i believe that with hard work, he will definitely do well.

Somehow, he seems to lack enjoyment in his life. Sian-ness fills his life. lol. But but but, he's extremely nimble with his fingers. Check out the way he does his card tricks. It's simply amazing. =)

Seems like i am writing him a testimonial. lol

+ Alritez, didi, is ur face blushing while reading this entry? haha.. one entire entry just for u. happy rite? lol

Here i am settled down in the library awaiting for that distant 5pm to come by. He delivered lunch to the library for me and had to rush off for lesson. whaha.. and he just realised that there was no spoon for the food. Guess i gotta wait till he comes back from his lesson before i can take my lunch. It looks so appetising yet i can't eat it. Luckily the hunger pangs are not acting up yet.

So it's another hour before i can take my yummy lunch. lol..

I've learnt a lesson. It's critical to bring a jacket if you wanna stay in the library for more than an hour. Having sat down for only an hour, my fingers are protesting in the cold. They are numb and can hardly function properly. That's how freaking cold the library is. And i'm in my sports wear which can barely keep me away from the cold. Fortunately, there is a jacket available. Whoosh~ but it smells of him...the male fragrance? =x

That doesn't matter. What's more important is to be kept warm right now. *shivers*. Ngee Ann should increase the thermostat of the air conditioners. Firstly, it can save costs. Secondly, people who are in the library will be freed from extreme coldness. Thirdly, it will not aggravate the flu of those who are sick. lol.. that's crap

This is what happens when one's totally bored to tears and doesn't have the mood to get things done and when the brain is conked out. The more i write, the more crap i'm producing. So i shall stop here. tata~ take care guys!

Another week has gone by in an instance. Today's Sunday once again. I lazed on the bed, reluctant to start my day's activities which i had scheduled for myself to do. Morning was occupied with revision of some notes which i have problems grasping the concepts. I was overcome by exhaustion and in the end, i studied till i slept.
While in my sleep, i heard daddy calling me a little pig. lol.. Yeah, i've turned into one over the past 2 weeks. I wonder what had happened to me? I was never that tired before. Late night sleep, tennis, and tonnes of work must have made it possible.
Every attempt made in focusing on my work went down the drain. At the rate i am going, my goals will never be fulfilled. Dreams of entering Uni may even be impossible. I'm losing concentration. The strides i used to take are falling short of their distances...
I guess it's time for a short break. Additional work and i will go bonkers.
I want out.

Shortly after lunch, i tagged along with chris papa to Queensway Shopping Centre. On the way there, in a freaking warm bus 61, we chatted heartily on tennis issues. Seems like our lives revolve around tennis. I'm addicted to tennis now. Good or bad?
As gauged correctly by chris papa, we reached Queensway Shopping Centre about 25 mins later. The building looked slightly run-down from the exterior view. However, upon entering the building, it felt different. The place was buzzing with activities. Furthermore, the cool air was inviting. How nice.
Chris papa bought his lead tape and brought me to take a look around. My tour guide to Queensway for the day. haha.. thanks papa.
Having been there for the first time, i was surprised by the wide range of clothes wear each shop supplied. Levis, Vans, Converse, sports shops and many more... I was itching to buy some sportswear with a sporty and feminine touch but had to resist that urge. Arghhh!! But each piece costs $45.. pretty expensive. haha.. if i buy 4 of them to replace the ones i wanna throw away, that would cost me $180. It would be a miracle if mummy doesn't slaughter me.
So, putting that temptation aside, we circled the same level thrice? lol. Basically because we didn't know where to go and what to do next. In the end, chris papa had a better idea. Go back to school and watch Prince of Tennis movie. Whoosh.. Sounded good to me.
Took the same bus service back to school. Chatted about lots of stuff. Haha.. I seriously didn't know that guys had so many topics to talk about among themselves, especially on the phone. =x
Eugene rang me up and eventually, we headed over to the library. The air seemed a little awkward. No one spoke and all were silently doing their own work.
I was drained. Tried really hard to focus on completing my tutorial but i just can't analyse properly. Ended up completing it for the sake of finishing it fast. Damn. Thanks to my two-hour sleep the previous night. *yawns*
Time for tennis! I get high during tennis. Addiction is the cause of it. Feels so good just to sweat it out and play the strokes right. But i wasn't on form yesterday. Pretty upset. Since the courts were packed with players, darling elina and i went for a jog. She is still as good as before - 8km. Having not jogged for a month, i managed to complete only 3.5km. haiz... Shall jog round the campus next friday with the guys to have a feel of what it's like.
Totally shagged after another hour of tennis after the jog. Took dinner at Mac again. oh no... mac mac mac... I'm becoming fat.
For the first time, i saw a person eating mac in agony and pain. That was none other than Wei Jie - 2 extra value meals. After getting two burgers down his throat accompanied with a cup of drink, he tried really hard to finish his fries but it was impossible. His fries piled up like a kingdom. Poor him. lol
As for Leonard ah gong, he was having fun teasing me as long as an opportunity came by. Ah gong is still as cheeky as ever but i like it. What is life without ah gong's jokes? haha.. His jokes are fatal. Can cause one to become breathless and cramped at the sides. That's his deadliest weapon. *claps*
At long last, it was time for home. Dropped dead on the bed at 2am...

A brief summation on the past week's events...

12/11: We are back on talking terms. Glad that he took the initiative. At least it's much easier to face each other during tennis now. Will the feelings rekindle? I wonder... but i hope not... Sunday was a bore. Stayed home the entire day trying to revise some work. Somehow, my concentration swayed and in the end, i guess i only completed half of the day's tasks. =.=

13/11: Attended a talk at 5pm on some accounting software, necessary to help in our projects. The speaker's accent was pretty difficult to decipher, having to make sense of whatever he was talking about.

Finally, it was time for tennis. Best part of it all. Teamed up with Dennis and i focused on my back hand. Pretty happy that the balls were going down the line most of the time and were straight. However, while rallying, all the errors came back again. Sian 1/2. Guess chris papa and dave had to tolerate me. And i got a bump on my temple. I was dazed for several seconds. I can't imagine if it was a direct shot.. I guess i would be having a bruise on my temple. Pls don't blame me if i can't recognise you coz the blow made me daft. Dinner was at Mac. As usual, fun and hilarious. Bus ride home was even worse. Laughed till i was left momentarily breathless. Thanks to dave, chris and leonard. And i am declared the bank for racquets. =)

14/11-15/11: School as usual. How routine and monotonous. No life. Reached home late, napped for awhile and back to work again. Haiz...

16/11: Met up with jeremy for lunch. This time round with the gals and the trio. Finally i can treat him to lunch. But it was nothing compared to what he treated. Chatted a fair bit. Felt bad for making him come all the way down so early and in the end, we had to leave for lecture after an hr or so. Sorry Jeremy.

That's my life. School, tennis, home... school, tennis, home... borrrrrrrring. Finally some shopping with chris papa tml. Queensway here we come!!! haha...

4..5..6 days since i last posted my entry? Well, i had been so busy with school projects, tutorials and presentations, i hardly have enough time for myself. My nights are burnt, all of which had been spent on work and more work.

The stress is building up day by day. I can feel it coming. Firstly, the modules are hard to cope. Secondly, the projects are due next week and they are not even half completed. Thirdly, the common tests are just round the corner.

There are so many tasks which are needed to be done, needed to be attended to but none of which had been completed thus far. My brain is clogged up with truckloads of work. Oh man.. when will this ever end?

Every sem, the stress level just peaks up higher each time. Soon, it will hit the skies. But, my goals have not been fulfilled yet. Only when i achieve them, then i can take a breather. Now, it's back to work after i post my second entry for the day.

I could barely open my eyes and get myself out of bed at 7+ am this morning. Intended to go for a morning jog with my family but i was feeling so lethargic, i slept till almost 9am. Dragged myself out of bed and washed up. Munched on a wafer while i got to the task of studying.
After an hour or so, i finally completed one set of lecture notes. I was overcome by fatigue again. My concentration faded away when i looked at my second set of notes.
Minutes later, daddy, mummy and babe came home and bought me breakfast. After eating, i was dead beat. Stared at my notes and eventually, i relented. I dropped dead on my parents' bed and slept till lunch time. What a pig i was!
I got back to my tasks for the day and after another 4 hours, i was dog tired. I wondered what was wrong with me today. Probably too much tennis and a late night caused me extreme exhaustion today. And now, i'm as alert as an owl. Too much sleep for the day. lol
My biological clock has started turning anti-clockwise...

Rarely would i receive a message from daddy and yesterday was one of those days. I read the message and i was overjoyed. Relief overcame me and all i felt was a sense of achievement. I had proven to myself once again.
Adding to the collection was my 3rd director's list. I was feeling upset having not received it after almost 2 months. All hopes were dashed. Things really do happen when one least expects it. I guess this saying is true.
Now i'm another step closer to my goals in poly. Collecting a total of 4 director's list is one of the three goals i set for myself. The other is to get a diploma in merit. Last but not least, i hope to get into NUS/NTU.
Dream of a lifetime... can it be fulfilled? All will be revealed in a few years' time...

After almost 3 weeks of inactivity, i was back at the courts. Those familiar faces were inviting. Did some stretches to lessen the muscles aches i would definitely suffer from the next day, while waiting for dave and chris to arrive. Practically ran 8 rounds with them and i was breathless. Lost all my stamina i had painstakingly trained before my muscle strain acted up. Expectedly, my head spinned. I felt so uncomfortable at that point in time.
Shortly after, i practiced with chris, dave and leonard to get back the feel of the grip on my racquet. Oh man... i lacked control of the balls and they were flying everywhere except to the opposition. Damn it. And the area where we stood was a danger zone. Balls were flying over to us from every corner. Part of the time was spent dodging the balls.
Finally there was a court available for us to rally. Standing beside fengyi gave me immense pressure. I don't know for whatever reason, i felt really uneasy. When he was off, how glad can i be? oops..
The court was now occupied by leonard, chris, dave [on the opposite side] and my partner was yihong. I had a great time. Big dave loved drop shots and i had to chiong all the way to the net. Thanks man... Chris loved serving while leonard loved volleying. lol..
Then came an opportunity for me to make a smash but i didn't know how to.

Yihong: kill! kill!
Juice: can't. i dunno how to. [directed the shot to chris who was standing at the base line]
[Chris whacked the ball back, made a killer shot]

Next moment, leonard was slowing himself down to the ground. Chris "killed" his team mate. LOL. We had a good laugh. Leonard's gotta mend his bruise. Claimed that it created a hole through his lungs. I laughed till my tummy cramped.
I enjoyed myself thoroughly although i constantly felt his presence. Haiz.. what to do? We barely spoke to each other. Guess it's still hard for both of us to whip up a conversation. I won't deny that i was trying to avoid him for i didn't know how to face him.
Enough of unhappy stuff. Dinner time!! It was a laugh-till-you-drop kind of scenario. There was a conversation on elegance which i could barely catch up with and eventually gave up listening. Meatballs!! lol... leonard needs some brainwash. tsk tsk.
Now was time for home. As usual, dave and chris bickered while leonard was caught in-between. Being with them has lengthened my life by several years. If i can lead a long life, it's thanks to them. lol.

Take care guys! *huggies*

Life will get better with each passing day...
School lessons today ended only at 4pm and i had a tennis meeting to attend. Met up with chris papa and i got myself buried in my tutorial, neglecting him.. oops.. lol. But i guess chris papa was busy playing his NFS carbon. haha
Big dave came by and gave me a shock when my chair suddenly jolted. As usual, he never failed to tease. Soon after, it was 6pm. Strolled up to SDAR centre where the meeting was held, only to last about 20 mins?
Followed dave and chris papa to Kismiss tennis courts where they had a game with thierry and king while i entertained myself with the first 2 episodes of T___ Juliet. It was nice.. lol
They played till almost 9pm and i was hungry beyond hunger. Finally we proceeded to AMK for dinner. Wahhhhhh it was packed with people. Chris papa ordered "rats' tail noodles" for us and dave tucked himself in with some kind of springy noodle..
Found a table under the fan. Made a joke out of it. So happy to hang out with this two peeps. Just makes you forget about everything and continue laughing at all their lame cracks. Made my day all the more better. Chris papa was feeling guilty for making me wait for such a long period of time and he insisted on treating. lol... so sweet of papa. Thanks papa!
It's nice being a girl, if we often meet people like chris papa. LOL..Chris papa rocks! Dave rocks! Gals group rocks!

Got out of bed and prepared for school early this morning. A monotonous routine which i practice every weekday.
Lesson presumed as usual, still trying to get accustomed to the new team members in my group. The only ACC among a sea of FSV. Too bad stephie jie and i were assigned to different groups. Haiz...
Since i had to go home alone, those thoughts started roaming in my head once again. Came up to the point where i reverted back to a moody me. I'm quite sick of myself, allowing my moodswings to affect me these few days. I thought i was recovering well but seemed not.
Everything that happened the past few months replayed in my head over and over again. His words and actions are miles apart.
A nap in the afternoon didn't do any good. I was back to square one, and had problems concentrating on my revision of last week's tutorials. Time and again, i would drift away from what i was studying and get my brain cells all worked up, trying to seek reasons to his every action.
Till i was drained, i would turn back to my notes and bury in them for a little while before the same process took place again. So god damn sick of myself. Argh!!!!

"i love everyone but i only like u... only uuuuu"
"i dun need a person to solve my problems for me. I need a person who can make me happy. Can u do that?"
"dear..."

Mummy knew it all. I just felt the need to confide in her. No matter what happened, she's my mother, my dearest confidante. Related to her the incident and she was upset over it. I could tell it from her expression and words. Talked to me about it, asking me to give up on a guy who plays with a girl's heart. Not worth my time waiting for.

Bro was backing her up and both of them were right. I couldn't contain it anymore. I just cried. Mummy wanted to let daddy in on this matter which i begged her not to. She said daddy was in a better position to counsel me on this. I guess she's right but by that time i'm sure i will cry till my eyes pop.

Girls are vunerable in affairs of the heart. I am no exception. Putting on a facade all the time can be a tiring chore. Eventually, i will still break down. And i did this time round. It's too much for me to handle. My first time ended with a bad experience.

Studying this morning had been a tough job for me for i had to concentrate doubly hard to get those points through my head. I lacked focus and concentration which will definitely affect my studies if i don't learn how to get over it fast. Haiz...

If only you told me how you felt towards me instead of leading me on and on, i will be thankful even if it's a negative answer. I've came too far to let it go so easily. The memories will haunt me till the day i get over you. It's been a pretty long journey and i treasured those times we had together. I still do. You shall be my first and my last in poly. Life just has to move on, some day some how...

It's ironic how things can get at times. Few hours after i published my entry, he msged me. With all the emotions choked up and getting moody for no particular reason, i let my curiosity get the better of me.

I confessed, and as i expected, i didn't get the answer i wanted. I was heart broken. At that particular point in time, my heart beat vigorously and i felt myself choking up. I tried not to cry though i wanted to. I tried not to scream for fear my parents suspect something. I suppressed on and on...

At times, tears welled up but i disallowed them to flow freely. I got to be strong. My friends had been great supporters. Thank you all so much. I really needed you guys at that point in time. This is not a matter which i can confide in my parents. My siblings and friends are the only people whom i can turn to.

Bro was pretty pissed off. Wanted to find him and give him a piece of his mind. I guess that's not necessary? What's done been done. The feelings' not reciprocated.. and i got to accept it. It could be a one sided thingy all this while.

I have no fate with the guys i like. It has always been a one sided thing. Guys may fancy me but i never once returned back that favour. I like him and the tables have turned on me.

I shall concentrate fully on my studies till the time i graduate from poly and take this time to heal the pain. It hurts real badly.

+ thanks to all of u. u were there when i needed u.

+ chris, i appreciate it alot. thank you so much.

He once told me the 4 achievements one can work out in life. That kept me thinking quite abit. His words lingered in my head every now and then, feeling happy just to have him in my train of thoughts. Those wonderful moments we had together when we are alone... the sweetness in them... made me yearn for more.

However, snapping back to reality, it is impossible between us. Feelings are the only element i totally lack control in. No matter how much i may like him, i have to constantly remind what he mentioned to me about 2 months back. It was a little heart-wrenching at that point in time but i accepted it.

The past 3 weeks had been pleasantly tantalizing. We reserved a pet name for each other, went out for movies and meals together, had late night online chats, bringing us closer each time. His sudden actions stunned me each time, getting me all stiffened up. Oddly, i somehow liked that feeling. They had a warmness to it. If only time stopped at those instances... I felt so comfortable with him.

I guess i've plunged too deep to surface... Haiz...

Shortly after my lecture, i met up with jeremy for lunch at bukit timah food centre. For the second time running, i was tricked into not paying for lunch. He persistently rejected my offer in treating him to lunch which i was supposed to, as agreed upon. Hmph... I insist, i stress again, i INSIST that treat's on me the next time. No more tricks up your sleeves jeremy. =p

Lunch lasted for about 2 hours before he made an impromptu decision to visit Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. I didn't know it was just a stretch of road ahead. I'm a dumb fool, gotta remind myself of that.. lol.

When we got to our feet, he was tugging at my bag, disallowing me to carry it due to my muscle strain. LOL. I'm fine!! In the end, i reluctantly relented. For that instance, i felt like a little girl being owned by an elder brother. *ponders* But still, it was very sweet of him to do that. Thanks jeremy!

Owing to the rain, we walked hurriedly to the nature reserve. That familiar place which i hadn't visited for several years brought back fond memories. The time my family went down together for a hike. How wonderful.

Jeremy showed me the routes for the various activites which one can take around Singapore. And i only knew it then that Bukit Timah Nature Reserve and MacRitchie were en route. Fascinating.

Less than half an hour later, the rain grew from a drizzle to a downpour. Oh damnz... it was getting late and mummy would have a list of questions awaiting me if i made it home just before dinnertime. So, we head out of the nature reserve to the bus stop opposite Bukit Timah Shopping Centre.

By the time we hit the bus stop, both of us were wet. My ancient umbrella is no longer of much help. Guess someone gotta come up with an innovative idea to ensure one will not have a single drop of rain on him/her when a downpour occurs. Probably the concept of the bubble lift? lol..

Soon, my bus arrived and off i headed for home sweet home..

+Thanks jeremy for everything today!

Recently, i had been over the moon. For whatever reasons, i myself am clueless. Probably because days in school this week are shorter than usual? Probably because i can finally go home with ah tan on thurs? Probably because i am meeting jeremy for lunch on fri? Probably because the girls made me laugh so much every single day?

Jeremy asked for my blog address. Hopefully he doesn't chance upon it. Even if he does, oh well.. lol.. have a nice insight to my life... It ain't that interesting at all. Not like those high profile celebrities, whose lives are filled with events and activities lined up every single second. Wonder how they ever take a breather from their hectic jobs??

So Jeremy, if you happen to come across my blog... which i think you somehow would, enjoy your stay! lol..

Being my maple dear, you really rock to the core! haha.. Take care!! =))