{[Perfect Escapade =-.]}

Fancy stepping into a guy's house ever since poly started. Quite a pleasant day at Eugene's. Along with Thierry and Leonard, we reached his house in the mid afternoon. Sat around for awhile and we got restless. Eventually, we lent a helping hand in starting the fire and getting things prepared for the bbq.

It was slightly uncomfortable with his mother's eyes boring down on you time and again. His dad wasn't so bad. But after a few hours with his mum, she was just shy. Not as snobbish as what i had heard. Kept offering food to me. lol. I did eat alot till i was bloated. Not that i didn't eat that's why she offered me food.

Then came coach and his wife. Such a loving couple. Coach's wife is one nice, sexy lady. I managed to dodge his first "pat" on the back when he arrived but failed to dodge the second time before he left. And i went ooshhhh~ everyone went ouchhhhhhhhhh~. lol. Called me his partner, honoured but can't take up that prestigious title to be his partner. Instructed Chris and Eugene to serve me food and to treat me like a queen coz i won them yday. lol? Like i mentioned in my previous post, i didn't make winning shots. Coach created most of them. So credit went to him instead of me. Just loved to tease me...but who cares? As long as everyone had fun =)

Barbequed through the night till about 9pm before we started to play this game introduced by Leonard. "Petals around the Rose". A fairly interesting game of dice. It took me about 15 mins to realise the meaning of the game. Thierry was quick. He managed to guess it within seconds. Cheers to Thierry! The rest took pretty long before they finally guessed it. Some still couldn't get it and we had to explain it to them eventually. Once the realisation took place, barely 2 seconds were needed to derive the answer. Everyone was just busy staring at the dice and trying to find the answer to the combination of the dice. haha

We proceeded on to play Indian Poker. Since i am not allowed to drink, by order of mummy, i was the only party in the game who was free from stress. The rest were downing shots of cranberry vodka. Just before i went home, Chris had the most vodka by far. A total of 6 shots. His face was blushing red. Poor him. Leonard too. Feeling heated up. The gals can surely drink, especially Wendy. I guessed she drank more than 3 shots. Geez... Mummy would kill me if i ever drank.

A sunny and bright morning. The refreshed me started off the day with tennis training. Rallied with ah gong for around 30mins before coach arrived and the usual training commenced.

He went back to the basics again which was boring but important. [my basics ain't that good anyway] With the year one members, we trained service in countless sets of 10 balls each. Finally, he let us off.

Took a short rest and teamed up with ah gong against chris papa and samuel. Shortly after rallying, coach made me team up with him vs against chris papa and eugene.

What in the world was coach thinking of?! I can hardly play well and he wanted me to play a match with them?! Stressed beyond description. I missed my shots or they landed at the net. Several times, my shots managed to bring them down which made me happy. lol. But more often than not, it was coach who was getting the points for our team.

In the end, we won 6-5. Close call. Thanks to coach. Fortunately, coach was patient and didn't even scolded me once. Kept encouraging me. Woah, rare of him to do so. At least i learnt something from it and am grateful to coach for that valuable lesson.

Taiwan faced an earthquake which caused countries in Asia to be hit with a disruption in internet connections. Singnet was badly affected which resulted in many users being unable to launch the explorer and gain access to international websites.

Likewise, i was badly affected by this crisis. After many attempts in trying to connect to the outside world, i gave up eventually. Windows Live Messenger, Hotmail, and other websites were out of bounds to me. I was so exasperated and decided to just live a day without internet first.

I then realised that many people cannot live without being connected to the internet. It is difficult to pass the day. Time was slow moving and hard to get by. Students couldn't surf the web, work on their researches, download stuff, and chat online. Working adults couldn't do their work and those reading the stock markets are terribly affected. Life without this technology is definitely difficult to live on. Everyone is too reliant on this technology. Wonder what will happen when there is one day where the internet actually crashes. What will become of the world? Able to function properly?

Anyway, i will not be able to go online for quite a period of time till this crisis is over and the cables are fully repaired. So in case you are wondering, i will be out of touch with this world for a short moment. lol. take care pple. Contact me on my hp if you needa find me. =)

On boxing day, i met up with my secondary school seniors and friends. At causeway point, we settled our dinner at Seoul Garden. It has been long since i last saw all of them. 2 years ago? Being able to catch up with them was comforting.

Topics revolved around University studies and our current life. Guess i will strive towards getting into NTU, with a more established accountancy course compared to NUS. And it's a 3 year Honours Degree. This shall be the route i will take if everything goes well in poly.

Fiona cracked jokes continuously which made us giggle uncontrollably. If we were bloated, it was probably not due to the amount of food we ate but the air that was entering our stomachs from excessive laughter.

Cecilia had a make over. She was totally different, i could hardly recognise her. Transformed from a tom-boyish girl in secondary school to a lady-like girl who dawns in fashionable feminine clothes. Wow.. now in stilettos. Haha. Bravo! And gal, thanks for the card. It was kinda vulgar but funny and sweet. haha.

Kun Xin, Zhen Hao and Huan Jin are 'macho' men who were drowning themselves with food. Constantly feeding on plates of food. Said to make their money worth. lol. Hmm.. full alr dun eat mah, what for gorge on the food and make urself so bloated?

What should have been a good night's sleep turned out to be a toss-and-turn on the bed. Only in the wee hours of the morning did i then head to sleep, but jolted out of bed near 9am, unable to force myeslf to sleep any longer. I was troubled. Probably troubled over nothing... confused over nothing... i do not know.

I yearned for it to happen yet at the same time, i don't want it to happen. I am afraid of being hurt once again. What i had contributed half a year ago resulted in heartaches and distraction in my studies. In the end, i was at the losing end. I gained nothing in return. And i ain't wanting any of that to happen to me again.

Puppy love and crushes are common now. But true feelings for each other at my age, possible? I pondered over and over again. I couldn't find any answer to that. I'm afraid to get into a relationship and fall hard when a break-up occurs. I've watched friends separating from their partners and the resultant was hurt and more hurt. Studies were affected, life was affected.

This is something daddy had always mentioned to me. "I do not object to you getting into a relationship but i do not approve it at the same time. I don't want you to get hurt feelings when a break up happens to you." And i know i will give in my all to make it a success but when things turn ugly and can no longer work out, a split up will be inevitable.

I fear for the worst. That's why i never wanted to go near it. I lack that security when it comes to relationships and totally helpless like a baby. This is one area in life which i can never handle well.

Friends always ask me what is the criteria i seek for in a guy. Most importantly, security. That's what i always say. Know the reason why now? If there is that one guy who can give me the security i need and of course fits the bill in other areas, you are that man i really need.

Seeing everyone engaged in small talks made me brim with joy. Especially Tere and Gab, noticing the way they behaved over dinner was comforting. And i hope this would last on forever.

Eric treated us to Haagen Daz which was yummy! First time sitting in at Haagen Daz which was fully packed. Shared a wafer ice-cream with Gab which had this extremely sour lemon sorbet and bitter-sweet green tea flavoured ice-cream accompanied with wafer, topped with chocolate syrup. Simply delicious. Gor and Tere had 2 scoops of ice-creams each, with toppings of their own choices. Kin Chin had this lovely coloured ice-cream and strudel [i think] which looked like what couples ate during valentines'. lol. Eric had some chocolate fudge and ice-creams in a sea of chocolate. Thanks Eric!

After tea break, we strolled around the mall, taking in the sights of people, apparels, toys, books, restaurants and accessories. Even though it was an aimless walk, most importantly was to mingle and bond together.

Till around 8pm, did we then decide to walk into Yoshinoya for dinner. Every other restaurant in Vivo either had long queues or the prices were too steep. Nevertheless, we still filled our stomachs with food at Yoshinoya. First time once again. I never took the effort of stepping into Yoshinoya for a meal. Ask me why, i myself have no answer to that. At least i had a taste of it now. We lingered on till 9 plus before we called it a day.

As i flipped through the newspapers today, i chanced upon this article which caught my attention. Under the Lifestyle segment of the daily newspapers, i took additional interest in reading this article entitled "Resolutions? Bah, humbug!" by Cheong Suk-Wai.

She attended her friend's wedding dinner yesterday and was asked to say a few words before the bridal toast. However, her mind timed out and she began to gibber.

Similarly, i shared the same experience many a times. Getting gibberish when there is a need to stand before a crowd of unfamiliar faces. Worse when the mind times out upon request to say a few lines. More of a behind-the-scenes person than a stage performer.

Not to mention her age now, even i do know better than to "avoid life's awkward, but necessary social lubricants". However, easier said than done. To interact and mingle with strangers is one of my biggest challenges in life. For many others, it may be easy peasy. What's the big deal? One may ask. Born a shy being, i seldom took to the task of approaching others and making a self introductory, and perhaps even making friends. That's just not me.

Reading on, the next portion of her article got me thinking of my own New Year resolution. According to her research, Professor Churchland and her fellow scientists claimed that "Each of us is a work of art, sculpted first by evolution, and second by experience in the world. With experience and reflection one's social perception matures, and so also the level of autonomy."

I guess i got to agree with these two statements made. I can't find any arguments to prove this wrong so far. With experience will a person mature. This is extremely true. There are so many life experiences daddy shared with me that had allowed him to mature into what he is today. Furthermore, reflections make a person look back at his stages in life and take corrective actions to get a better grip on his life. That accounts for maturity as well.

With the year coming to an end soon, i started to ponder and think of my New Year resolution. In a span of a year, i encountered new people, faced small turbulences in my life, sudden changes which required me to adapt almost immediately in order not to fall too far back. One of the very few times in my life where much happened. Previous years had been mundane and peaceful, taking things so lightly. Now that i've grown up a little bit more, i start to realise and take notice in everything that i was once oblivious of.

So what is my New Year resolution? Life's all about loving and showing concern to those you care for. Therefore, from the bottom of my heart, i want to ensure that each and every one whom i know is happy. And i want to be there for everyone who needs me. I'm not god, not an angel but i will do my best as a daughter, a sister and a friend cos i believe in this chaotic world, happiness still reigns as long as everyone is there for one another.

The gloomy sky with a slight drizzle made the day seem solemn and grey as if life is a boring cycle that goes on and on. I wanted to skip tennis training and stay home to rest for the day but then, i was 'forced' to go. Otherwise, my friend would be playing without his racket.

Midway through training, i received a message. One of my frens had just split up with her bf and wanted me to have a chat with the guy, checking out if he is coping fine with the separation. Haiz... here i am to help out in another person's business. This is not my affair, but i am dragged in once again. I don't wish to interfere in others' affairs, especially when it has gotta do with a guy-girl relationship.

Third parties will never get to see the picture as clearly as those involved. First hand accounts are understandably more reliable. One can't expect me to solve the problem because i myself am helpless at it.

Friends relate to me their problems. Friends share their joys with me. Friends confide in me their unhappiness. Friends talk to me about how they feel when faced with some undesirable situations. The best i can do is to provide you with a listening ear. Don't expect me to solve problems. Seek a person with better judgment, maturity and experience to help out.

Just a teenager, i am still immature and lack judgment in many areas in life. Unless i had been in the same situation before, i will not be able to help no matter how much i want to. My decisions may lead to more unhappiness and worsen situations. "Too many cooks spoil the broth."

I will be there for anyone who needs me. To be understanding and listen to friends' problems is the most i can do for now. Pardon me for not being able to resolve problems. Until the time when i can see things from a more mature perspective, will i then try to help the best i can. For now, I am only but a teen.

[no worries, i am doing fine. just choked up with emotions. i've gained a learning experience from this situation and i'm truly sorry if i'd hurt any of you. i made a terrible blunder. no point for regrets as things had already occurred. i'd already made clear that i've washed my hands off this problem. it's past and no use pondering over it. life has to get on. now that i know my mistake, i will take more precaution in the future. thanks for being understanding.]

Daddy broke his shopping spree record. A total of 6.5 hrs. Likewise, all of us shopped for the same period of time today. Still, we were unable to beat the 7 hr record made about 10 years back when i went shopping with my uncle. At that point in time, we shopped in orchard, from one place to another. My feet were sore.

Main purpose for the day was to visit Vivocity. Only daddy had been there so far, so we were yearning to take a walk there. It is humongous and freaking cold. Luckily i was in 3/4 sleeve blouse and jeans which kept me substantially away from the cold. Otherwise, i'm definite i will shiver. Drop me in Antarctica and give me just 1 hour to freeze to death. Had lunch at the food junction. It gave the feeling of the olden days in chinatown. Those artifacts are a replica of the past. The food there is slightly above average. Yummy toufu goreng!

Afterwhich, we window shopped. The items there are simply too expensive. All are branded goods. Paying for the brand when u can get goods with similar quality? Nah.. not worth the money. People should learn to be thrifty. No offences.

On and on we walked, my family's digestive system are working at tip-top conditions. Barely 3 hrs had passed and they are back at the food junction to try out other types of cuisine. Guess that's their tea break. I couldn't take in much food. Filled with food from my lunch.

Shortly after, we made an impromptu decision to Causeway Point. Weeee! Had so much fun on the way there. Sang our hearts out and daddy kept making fun of all the songs we sang lol. Cheeky boi.

Standing under the shower hose, many thoughts raced through my head. Allowing the water to soak myself wet, i recalled the past few days' events. And it went way back to the past few months, years... so many recollections. Emotions are stirred up once again.

I thought of the people around me. What had i done for them so far? Have i managed to bring joy and much laughter to their lives? Did my actions somehow influenced them? Or did i only bring them unintentional hurt? These questions will remain unanswered. Friends are no doubt friends. Most will never want to hurt you by telling you frankly that your actions had caused them to be uncomfortable. Only from a third party's view, can one then know how another feels. But are third parties' words reliable?

At times, i just want to take a step back and look at the things i had done. I'm afraid to lose friends yet at the same time, i seldom bother to keep in contact with those i used to hang out often with. Everytime i want to whip up a conversation with them, excuses spring up. I always wait for others to talk to me. That's one of my flaws which i know i need to change.

Other times, i just want to shut myself out from the world and take a break. I'm tired. So many things happening, i try my best to help in whichever i can. Things seldom go one's way and later on, there is a need to deal with the sadness that comes with it. And for me, it occurs more often than not. When was the last time i was truly happy? The time where i can truly let myself go freely without fearing how others would look at me?

18 years have gone by. In less than 2 weeks, i will turn 19. What had i done in my life so far where others are proud of me and when i'm proud of myself? Studies wise, mada mada dane. Interpersonal relationships, failure at maintaining them. Family, try to be there for them although i am helpless in some situations. Sports, jack of all trades but a master of none. What can i be proud of?

Having chatted with eric several times, he has enlighten me on some views in life. I thank him for that. It had been valuable. "Life's short, treasure what you have now." Life is indeed short. And i guess i've lived my life aimlessly all this time. I have goals i want to meet but they are only beneficial to me. He has allowed me to realise how selfish i was. I think about myself more than others at times. For him, it's vice versa. Never sparing a thought for himself, always caring and giving concern to others. Yes, i can be understanding. I put myself in others' shoes and see from their point of view but have i taken any actions in trying to help them out? I seldom did. I give them my attention, i be their listening ear but i never knew how to help them. I'm helpess and useless.

Sometimes when I stare at the bee hive,
I think of you, and would smile.
Without you, in my sad live,
Nothing was much too happy without you,
People would walk on the roads for a mile,
just to find a person as sweet.
I'm glad I've found you in such a while.
Each word you say, each help you give,
it makes my heart sway,
it gives my brain away.
I'm glad to have found such a person,
A person lynette,
I would never have fret.
I won't ever forget,
I won't ever want to lose.
Thanks for your appearence.
I bow, in truce.

The rain poured continuously. Up till 8 in the morning, the rain never once relented. I was preparing to head to school for my project discussion today. Daddy offered to fetch me to school owing to the heavy rain. Of course i willingly accepted his offer. At 8.35am, the rain died down to a drizzle. Not to bother my daddy fetching me all the way to school and he coming back home alone, i decided to head down to school myself.

However, daddy rejected. He insisted on fetching me, assuring me that mummy will be accompanying him there. The soft-hearted me gave in. Setting off to school, daddy focused on driving as the rain pelted down heavily again.

About 5 mins into the drive, we were stuck in a jam at gambas avenue. Wondered what happened this time round. On the 3rd day of my common test, there was a 5 car-1 motorbike accident. How about today?

Daddy drove on, the car moved like a snail. There was no accident when the traffic was once again smooth going. The cause of the jam - floods. 3 out of 4 lanes were flooded. Vehicles were stuck in the middle of the road with stalled engines. Poor drivers. Stranded in a pool of water.

Traffic was smooth for the next 15 mins or so but upon hitting the expressway, there was a massive jam from kranji up to PIE. Daddy didn't want to take waste time getting stuck in a snake long jam. So, he took a detour but other roads were jammed as well. In the end, he had to fetch me to woodlands mrt stn. Daddy was apologetic. haha.. so cute, i didn't blame him. What to do when there is a jam? And the awfully wet weather was dangerous for daddy to drive on. Although i reached the school's lib 30 mins late =x, it was better to be there better than getting stuck in the jam for god knows how long.

On the way home, by jerked me up from my rest and pointed out of the window. We were on the upper deck of 74 and upon looking out, i was shocked. MacRitchie looked like a ghost town. 5-6 cars were nearly submerged totally. A bus was stalled. Even 74 took another route to avoid the flood at MacRitchie. Suddenly, i felt terrible and thoughts ran through my head.

What if Singapore was hit with a flood like those in other countries? Sink? I dun dare to imagine. Even in this small scale flood, so many properties were damaged. Large scale ones? I guess singapore would no longer be existent in this world. Wiped out.

My heart goes out to these car owners. Spent so much in getting a transportation of ur own and to be destroyed by a rare case of flood in singapore. Yet, there is no amount of insurance granted to pay for the damaged vehicle. Double loogy.

Even though i dunno the details of the little ones' numerous quarrels and the most recent fall out, i sincerely wish that they can patch up. Misunderstandings.. misinterpretations of actions.. insensitivity of feelings..

Friends, especially what one defines as a best friend, do not fall out that easily when met with a problem. Problems serve as a measure of the strength of a friendship. A test of how strong the relationship is.

The year is coming to an end. Both of them will be starting the next stage in their lives. It will be a great pity to let this friendship sour towards the very end of this stage in life. Been together for more than a year, is it that easy to let go? Sharing so many experiences together, both joy and sorrow, these memories will never fade.

Better to face each other now, resolve any indifferences, and let this year end on a happy note. All i want is for the both of them to patch up and be friends again. My x-mas wish... grant it for me please?

It was a pleasant night out at Pasir Ris Coasta Sands Resort. Although this is the very first time i am meeting all the maplers, i felt pretty comfortable with them. Mostly are friendly and jovial, easy to chat with.

This was especially so when i managed to meet my sweetie [teresa] and my new found didi [gabriel]. One father of 2 named sweetie the 'Hi-Queen'. All hail the 'Hi-Queen'. Mentioning about this daddy, he is pretty eloquent in his language considering he is half a centurian. Not trying to mean that people around his age can't speak fluently, but how many at his age can do so?

Anyway, there was much fun and laughter spreading across the entire group. Each clique was engaged in their own conversation. Mummy, the daddy [michael], daddy's wife and gab had an enjoyable chat going on. Mummy loves gab for whatever reasons. lol.

And tere, so chummy and as usual, sweet as ever. Fun-loving by nature. Awwww.. melting me. With her around, never will u feel left out. Probably one of the reasons why i felt comfortable there. Entertained me most of the time i was there. Thanks sweetie darling, love u to bits as well!

Next will be the organiser, eric. Pretty good looking, manly and he resembles my uncle!!! [according to mummy]. Probably the built? I'm not too sure but my ideal guy must have his built. Too bad eric's too old for me. LOL. Otherwise, quite a good catch. Shall steal him from my bro. hahaha... jk jk. His chalet was a success. Weee... The turnout was big and more were arriving. Thanks eric for the wonderful night!

Oh, and there was my best maple buddy, kin chin, who hardly spoke a word. Soooooooo shy and quiet. It was damn funny when i msged him earlier on to ask him how to get in. He was walking right ahead of me and i didn't notice until i saw a guy in jersey with his name imprinted behind. I gasped. After 1 year, we finally met. I would consider it quite pleasant even though we didn't really talk much. Tried several attempts to whip up a conversation with him but i guess both of us were too shy and in the end, the 'conversations' died after 2-3 lines. lol.

Another of whom i recently chatted with quite abit was laikon [syafiq]. Super duper nice guy. Mummy found him familiar and claimed that he doesn't look malay. Mummy seemed to have lots of comments. *scratch head* Yet to exchange our foreign language deal. haha. Good to know him.

So coincidentally, this bbq session was also for the celebration of 2 soccer frenz whom i dunno. One of them was shawn/sean? [dunno which spelling]. Hilarious man. Made a short speech and even came over to shake our hands. Cute sia. 21 this year - adulthood. Weee, so cool!

Sad to note, i did not manage to meet erwin and qiqi jie. No more car wash for erwin. lol. Ur bird-shit filled car. Eeks! But i guess he is busy with his Bianco Masquerade event. Happy hour!! Hope to get to see him one day. And my jie, so many failed attempts to meet up. No fate? lol.

Past few days of continuous revision, trying to maximise the brain capacity to take in as much information as possible was exhausting. Preparations for this time round's common test started too late, resulting in information overload.

Compared to last semester's common test, i definitely did not do as well. Straight As might not even be possible, less straight A+s. Missing one presentation, not doing well in my common test... add up to a poor grade in the semestral results. Unless there is a miracle during the exams, it will take a hell lot of effort to measure up to my standards for last sem.

1 paper down and 3 more to go. However, i took home with me a heavy heart. Down with a bout of flu and sore throat the day before, i couldn't concentrate on my revision. Guess the chicky had brought down my immune system and yet to be restored. As such, i went into the exam hall, sleepy and dazed.

My head was too heavy to think properly. All i did was thrash out whatever i had revised the past few days. Everything became technical. My hand moved but my brain was stalled. Theory wise, all that i've learnt had gone down the drain. Mind's a blank when i seeked the answers to the questions.

This time round, i'm doomed. Sick at the wrong time. How do i achieve my targeted GPA of at least 3.5 this way? If possible, i am dreaming of beating my previous sem's GPA to hit a 3.9? Haiz.. doubt i can do so in this condition. So many unexpected turns in my life lately.

During my conversation with BY this afternoon, i had recollections of the time when babe first stepped into this world. Slightly more than 11 years ago, she was non-existent. Now, she brings joy to the family.

Mummy was pregnant with babe in late december which she was unaware of. We shifted to our present house on the first day of the year then. Lucky for babe, mummy didn't suffer a miscarriage owing to the carrying of heavy items to and fro our previous home.

Throughout the months of pregnancy, i watched babe ballooning in mummy's womb. In late august, babe decided to make her entrance into this world. Weeeeee how happy were we then?

Such an adorable darling whom i can't live a day without. During mummy's confinement period, i helped to take care of babe. Up till now i can still remember the events that took place those days vividly. Everyday, i would change her diapers, prepare milk at times for her, and if permission granted, i could bathe her. Those times were so fulfilling.

Day by day by day, she grew from a baby to a toddler, to a child and a soon-to-be adolescene. Watching her grow up was one of the best things in life. Rarely can one watch their own sibling grow up.

In addition to that, she was a cheeky little thing. Stuffing two pacifiers into her mouth at a time was her signature act. lol. There was once when daddy and mummy forbade babe to WALK into the kitchen, afraid she might hurt herself. So, she CRAWLED into the kitchen. =.= Daddy and mummy couldn't bear to scold her as she did no wrong. What a darling. Love her so much.

Entering into the lift with BY, i hit the lvl 6 button. While in the lift, we chatted happily about some stuff [which i can hardly rmb]. Upon reaching the 5th floor, the lift door opened. Automatically, we lifted our feet and stepped out, welcomed by the inviting look of an dashing guy. We acted as per normal.

Some descriptions to better rmb him. lol About 1.85m in height, well built, has a good complexion, look a little like wang lee hom, and what caught my eye first was his dressing. There was that aura around him. Oh man... dressed in a tuxedo and formal wear. Geez.. he just blew me away.

For the very first time, i stepped out of the lift unknowingly. I blindlyfollowed BY pass the door of level 5, walked past the IT helpdesk room subconsciously registering the unusual presence of it. On and on we walked, talking non-stopped about the guy at the lift. Suddenly BY mentioned "Our tutorial is at lvl 6 rite? this is lvl 5." We giggled like some crazy gals who had loose screws in our heads.

Omg, what had happened to me? I never once reacted in such a way i did today. I felt so dumb although it's normal for BY to drool over guys all the time. whahhaha.. going to get it from her =x [i shall be armoured]

On my way to school today, i noticed the unusual sight of an mrt stopping dead in its tracks barely 3m from the station. Being curious, i looked out from the bus which i was seated in, forming a simple conclusion that it could just be a momentary pause before the train pulled into the station again.

As the bus took a left turn, i was "welcomed" by the sight of several police cars and fire engines. Now i knew for sure, something very wrong was going on. Pushing the thought of another suicidal case occurring away, i brisked walk to the mrt station.

Upon passing the barriers, the huge number of people queueing in front of the control station left me in a state of confusion. What the hell was going up there?

As i stepped onto the platform, i was quite taken aback by the scene. There was a crowd of people watching on curiously, speaking in inaudible whispers. The non-moving train looked so eerie all of a sudden. That feeling was just so weird, something i hadn't felt before thus far.

Having checked out the latest update from channel news asia [ www.channelnewsasia.com ] on today's incident, a brief statement was made on the victim. He had been pronounced dead.

With that, i believe this is the 4th mrt incident that had happened over these 2 months. Has it become a new trend to jump onto the tracks into an oncoming train to end one's life? It seems so, isn't it?

News always splash the headings as "blah blah blah being knocked down by a train at blah blah blah". How can one be knocked down if he/she hadn't jumped onto the tracks in the first place? Motor vehicles can swerve onto curbs on the road but how in the world is a train able to make a wrong turn and bang into people? Moreover, announcements are replayed time and again not to step beyond the yellow line. Are these people plain dumb or are they unable to comprehend the common four languages which singaporeans speak? Even if that person is illiterate, simple words which are reiterated should be understandable right? Freak accidents, unusual deaths? I doubt so.

Suicides just put me off. There is nothing in this world that can't be solved. Problems, making wrong decisions in life, unfortunate happenings... they are part and parcel of life. One can't expect to lead a life with all ups and no downs. With such problems can one then grow up and mature. Life's all about making choices. Wrong once, learn and grow from it. There is no need to kill yourself over a matter which you deem unsolvable. What are people around you for? Help is all around. Just ask!

Committing suicide just show how cowardice you are. I will never approve of it, not now, not forever. By ending your life, how many people have you hurt? Especially your closest kins, they feel the hurt most badly. Why throw this burden and cause undue hurt to them? I seriously don't understand these people. I only feel deeply for the family members and i despise the victims' actions.

Probably i led too comfortable a life to understand how these people think and reacted the way they did. Problems may be troubling but those tightened knots can be undone. As the old saying goes: If there's a will, there's a way.

In every stage of your life, you earn and learn something from it. So, treasure it. Don't seek death. Let death come knocking on your door naturally. Cowards never live long.

1 month.. 2 months.. 3 months and coming to 4 months, he wasn't in sight still. Someone came along and i hastily accepted after rejecting it once. Jason (my little ahbengboy), logged in 4-5 nights ago. His joy faded and turned into heartache after the truth was revealed to him.

I broke his heart. He put on a brave front when he's online but right down, i had hurt him badly. It pained me. The times we shared together in maple more than half year back were pleasantly sweet. And i treasured it alot. Those were among the best times i had in maple.

We planned our wedding, he sent out invitation cards... unfortunately, his account was hacked. The wedding was called off, his character couldn't be used and since then, lots of changes too place. However i still stayed by him.

Up till today, i wonder what had gone through my mind at the point in time when i actually accepted my current maple bf. After he came back, instantaneously, i missed those times we had. How unfaithful can i be?

Even in a virtual relationship, there are so many complications. What's more a real life scenario? I doubt i can handle relationships well. A total failure in this aspect of my life. Guess i'm just too immature and gullible. Haiz... i'm such a bitch.

The week is drawing to an end once again. I'm recovering well from chicky though there are times of exhaustion which forces me to take frequent breaks. What have i done the past week?

Looking back... i didn't do much. Half the day was spent sleeping while the remaining half was spent on every other thing except studying. With that said, common test is less than 2 weeks away. How dead can i be?

Procrastination of my tutorials and revision. Now i worry, fearing that i wouldn't do well, fearing my common tests would impair my semestral results. Having this week-long break ain't good at all.

Everyday, i give in to my strong urge to switch on the desktop. Distraction follows. Msn chats.. surfing the web.. playing games.. Oh man, when will i ever get to the task of studying?

If i was well, i think under the pressure of having lots of work, i will be able to complete more than lazing around at home like this, getting nothing done and whining away.