{[Perfect Escapade =-.]}

Presentation prep not going too smoothly. My clogged up brain refused to churn out new info and analysis. A large chunk of white space on the paper. Damn.

Can't wait to get over and done with OB. But its end is the start of 2 new tests and another project. Argh... I'm bogged down by overwork.

Moodswings seldom had access to my life until recently. In a span of 3-4 days, i experienced a spectrum of emotions, something unfolding in me that i never quite knew about.

That only implies one thing. I'm changing. Uncertain if it's for the better or worse. No longer that domineering (which is good coz i've become more collaborative), but grown more indecisive. Developed a heck-care attitude towards issues i dislike. Became more critical with each passing day. Appeared cheerful and smiley in front of others but deep within, trying to sort out the entangled mess of emotions.

I'm stuggling to find my inner self. I thought i had but in actuality, i'm far from it. If others understand me better than i do, i'm not one bit surprised. It is sad to acknowledge the fact that these rapid changes within me are too much for me to handle. I feel as if i've shedded my old self and evolved into a new being. A brand new ugly me.

I realised these changes took place only after i entered Uni. This highly sophisticated environment is not where i want to belong to, but i've joined it without knowledge of its complexity. So now, i have to adapt to a culture i dislike. Given a choice to describe it all, without doubt, it would be hypocrisy. Perhaps i've adapted too well to NP's harmonious culture and shaped myself into who i used to like.

I've told Daddy and Mummy time and again how unhappy i am now. The same old question "Are you regretting?" I think it's a yes to a certain extent. But i know that if i didn't choose to enter NTU, i would have regretted it even more. It was a dream i held since i entered Poly. Sighs~

As i grow older, i've come to realise how complicated the society gets. It truly is a dog-eat-dog world out there. In fact, i'm thankful NTU gave me a chance to experience it before i enter the workforce. No intention to be sarcastic about this because it truly prepares me for the societal complexity in the years to come.

Them:
I became so fake, just to accommodate.
Totally disgusted.
Why did this have to happen?
Perhaps the expectation gap was too wide to mend.

Strangers:
Your stares make me wanna gorge your eyes out.
Never seen a girl before?
So sick of your stares and top-down scrutiny.
Just scram.

Him:
I saw him, yet nothing felt quite the same as before.
Somehow that feeling got lost in transition.
Upsetting.
But i can't be bothered anymore.

Just upset over everything that isn't going on smoothly. This wasn't what i wanted or expected. But i'm fortunate i have a wonderful family and good friends to share my sorrows with...

Everyone was rushing to complete their accounting project. My group was no exception. Due to the ambiguity of the project criteria, we ended up re-doing the project just days before the submission date. My god... pure madness. We spent uncountable hours working on it and come Thursday, we had no choice but to work through the night.

It was only at 2.30am did we complete the project. Sensed the overwhelming elation? So glad it was finally over. Packed up, went to Nat's hall while i waited for Ian. Nearly dozed off in the lounge. Hall residents surely sleep real late. At 3am, they were still playing "Game of Life". What the... i rather spend my time sleeping.

Mr. Nice Ian drove me home and he had to head back to Pasir Ris. Oops. Anyway, by the time i reached home, it was 4.30am. My brain was screaming for sleep. I woke up at 10.45am feeling groggy and oh-so-tired. The lethargy refused to leave me having been awake since 5.30am on Thursday morning. This is one stunt i never wish to try ever again.

Received news that another person from NTU committed suicide on Friday night. That's 2 deaths in less than a week. One is more than enough. Now with two... Board of NTU has lots to answer to.

Coincidentally, this guy was previously from EEE. He's a Chinese national who reported to work only on 2 March 2009. Just 4 days into his stint, he hung himself in his hostel.

Haiz... NTU is going to get famous for all the wrong reasons. With the Uni admission period opened, and local Unis vying for top students and all-rounders, these 2 deaths will in one way or another discourage some potential students from enrolling into NTU. What bad timing.

I feel sorry for President Su Guaning. He is definitely under tremendous stress over these two incidents. Of course, sympathises to the family of the dead as well. Unfortunate that these cases had to happen.

Check out CNA for the latest updates:
"NTU sees second suspected suicide case in one week" -

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. (True) This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. (Don't know)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. (True)

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? (Serious? No idea... haha)

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. (True) Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own. (Maybe?)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (True)

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. (True)

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (True)

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. (True)

The most watched video on CNA today had to be the one on "NTU student stabbing prof...". A final year Indo-Chinese Engineering student leaped off one of NTU's buildings to his death after stabbing a Prof. and slitting his wrists.

It sent shockwaves throughout the campus and many were saddened by this tragic incident. News spreaded like fire. Minutes after the incident, people in the LT were already talking about it - the true power of technology.

He is just 5-6 weeks away from graduation. Everyone yearn for that moment to come after surviving hell for 3.5 years in NTU. For many Year 1s, do you know how much we envy the seniors who are so close to obtaining their degrees? So why in the world did he take the jump?

No one knew his motive behind the stabbing and suicide. But many speculated that he was over pressurized. His ability to endure the past 7 sems should have been able to see him through his final sem. But no, that wasn't the case. He chose to end it even before he graduated. So near yet so far...

Personally, i believed it was planned beforehand and he harboured this thought for a pretty long time. And today was that fateful day. It takes a lot of courage to slit one's wrists, much more so in leaping off a building. I believe the desire to end his life has well surpassed his fear of death. Death was the best alternative in avoiding all problems, in escaping from everything he disliked and hated...

This incident has definitely tarnished NTU's reputation to a certain extent. If the speculations were right, perhaps his jump was a signal to all NTU faculties - stress kills.




	Wednesday, March 18, 2009 A Loved Zombie Glad my friends held the same view as me. Glad i'm not alone coping with the ugly side of humans. So thankful for the encouragement and support they gave. That makes me love them more than ever. Revealed my little secret. She didn't criticize! I'm amazed. Presentation prep not going too smoothly. My clogged up brain refused to churn out new info and analysis. A large chunk of white space on the paper. Damn. Can't wait to get over and done with OB. But its end is the start of 2 new tests and another project. Argh... I'm bogged down by overwork. I need rest badly. With that, i retire to bed. Posted by Lynette at 12:54 AM Saturday, March 14, 2009 Changes Within Me Moodswings seldom had access to my life until recently. In a span of 3-4 days, i experienced a spectrum of emotions, something unfolding in me that i never quite knew about. That only implies one thing. I'm changing. Uncertain if it's for the better or worse. No longer that domineering (which is good coz i've become more collaborative), but grown more indecisive. Developed a heck-care attitude towards issues i dislike. Became more critical with each passing day. Appeared cheerful and smiley in front of others but deep within, trying to sort out the entangled mess of emotions. I'm stuggling to find my inner self. I thought i had but in actuality, i'm far from it. If others understand me better than i do, i'm not one bit surprised. It is sad to acknowledge the fact that these rapid changes within me are too much for me to handle. I feel as if i've shedded my old self and evolved into a new being. A brand new ugly me. As a matter of fact, i rather be who i was then than to be who i am now. I realised these changes took place only after i entered Uni. This highly sophisticated environment is not where i want to belong to, but i've joined it without knowledge of its complexity. So now, i have to adapt to a culture i dislike. Given a choice to describe it all, without doubt, it would be hypocrisy. Perhaps i've adapted too well to NP's harmonious culture and shaped myself into who i used to like. I've told Daddy and Mummy time and again how unhappy i am now. The same old question "Are you regretting?" I think it's a yes to a certain extent. But i know that if i didn't choose to enter NTU, i would have regretted it even more. It was a dream i held since i entered Poly. Sighs~ As i grow older, i've come to realise how complicated the society gets. It truly is a dog-eat-dog world out there. In fact, i'm thankful NTU gave me a chance to experience it before i enter the workforce. No intention to be sarcastic about this because it truly prepares me for the societal complexity in the years to come. The world is what it is today because of its people... Posted by Lynette at 9:59 AM Wednesday, March 11, 2009 A Bad Mix Them: I became so fake, just to accommodate. Totally disgusted. Why did this have to happen? Perhaps the expectation gap was too wide to mend. Strangers: Your stares make me wanna gorge your eyes out. Never seen a girl before? So sick of your stares and top-down scrutiny. Just scram. Him: I saw him, yet nothing felt quite the same as before. Somehow that feeling got lost in transition. Upsetting. But i can't be bothered anymore. Just upset over everything that isn't going on smoothly. This wasn't what i wanted or expected. But i'm fortunate i have a wonderful family and good friends to share my sorrows with... Posted by Lynette at 8:21 PM Sunday, March 08, 2009 Madness Thursday: Everyone was rushing to complete their accounting project. My group was no exception. Due to the ambiguity of the project criteria, we ended up re-doing the project just days before the submission date. My god... pure madness. We spent uncountable hours working on it and come Thursday, we had no choice but to work through the night. It was only at 2.30am did we complete the project. Sensed the overwhelming elation? So glad it was finally over. Packed up, went to Nat's hall while i waited for Ian. Nearly dozed off in the lounge. Hall residents surely sleep real late. At 3am, they were still playing "Game of Life". What the... i rather spend my time sleeping. Mr. Nice Ian drove me home and he had to head back to Pasir Ris. Oops. Anyway, by the time i reached home, it was 4.30am. My brain was screaming for sleep. I woke up at 10.45am feeling groggy and oh-so-tired. The lethargy refused to leave me having been awake since 5.30am on Thursday morning. This is one stunt i never wish to try ever again. Saturday: Received news that another person from NTU committed suicide on Friday night. That's 2 deaths in less than a week. One is more than enough. Now with two... Board of NTU has lots to answer to. Coincidentally, this guy was previously from EEE. He's a Chinese national who reported to work only on 2 March 2009. Just 4 days into his stint, he hung himself in his hostel. Haiz... NTU is going to get famous for all the wrong reasons. With the Uni admission period opened, and local Unis vying for top students and all-rounders, these 2 deaths will in one way or another discourage some potential students from enrolling into NTU. What bad timing. I feel sorry for President Su Guaning. He is definitely under tremendous stress over these two incidents. Of course, sympathises to the family of the dead as well. Unfortunate that these cases had to happen. How upsetting when young promising adults lose the will to live... Check out CNA for the latest updates: "NTU sees second suspected suicide case in one week" - http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/413708/1/.html Posted by Lynette at 1:51 AM Saturday, March 07, 2009 That's So Me Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. (True) They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. (Really?) The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. (True) This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. (Don't know) Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. (True) The seriousness of your love: You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? (Serious? No idea... haha) Your views on education: Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. (True) Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own. (Maybe?) The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (True) How do you view success: Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. (True) What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (True) Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. (True) http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx Posted by Lynette at 11:14 AM Monday, March 02, 2009 His Final Decision The most watched video on CNA today had to be the one on "NTU student stabbing prof...". A final year Indo-Chinese Engineering student leaped off one of NTU's buildings to his death after stabbing a Prof. and slitting his wrists. It sent shockwaves throughout the campus and many were saddened by this tragic incident. News spreaded like fire. Minutes after the incident, people in the LT were already talking about it - the true power of technology. He is just 5-6 weeks away from graduation. Everyone yearn for that moment to come after surviving hell for 3.5 years in NTU. For many Year 1s, do you know how much we envy the seniors who are so close to obtaining their degrees? So why in the world did he take the jump? No one knew his motive behind the stabbing and suicide. But many speculated that he was over pressurized. His ability to endure the past 7 sems should have been able to see him through his final sem. But no, that wasn't the case. He chose to end it even before he graduated. So near yet so far... Personally, i believed it was planned beforehand and he harboured this thought for a pretty long time. And today was that fateful day. It takes a lot of courage to slit one's wrists, much more so in leaping off a building. I believe the desire to end his life has well surpassed his fear of death. Death was the best alternative in avoiding all problems, in escaping from everything he disliked and hated... This incident has definitely tarnished NTU's reputation to a certain extent. If the speculations were right, perhaps his jump was a signal to all NTU faculties - stress kills. CNA News: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/412478/1/.html Posted by Lynette at 9:01 PM		Me Lynette Lee Capricorn NTU (NBS) Loves Family Friends Food Tennis Wishes Healthy family and friends Do voluntary work More clothes and shoes! 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